I just want every single American on my friends list to know that I love America. I love it sooooo much.
You've given the world so much. You gave us diet Coke and Johnny Cash and the blues and electricity and airplanes. You gave us Kraft singles and rock n' roll and baseball (WOOOOOOOO!!! BOSOX!!!). Like your countrymen JFK and Martin Luther King, you gave us a dream and like Nixon and Bush, you took it back. You gave us art and music and pop-culture � God, so much pop culture that we're choking on it � but thanks so much. For all that and so much more. For everything. You're awesome. And we love you.
But it's an on-again off-again thing.
And right now, it is so off! It's "You-can-come-get-your-shit-from-my-apartment-and-I-want-my-fucking-Pixies-tape-back!-Don't-call-me-you-asshole!" off.
But in the future, I'm sure the world will take you back again and say we're sorry and let's not fight, we've come too far to just call it all off and let's stay together for the kids sake.
You Americans, even you smart, funny ones whom I love very, very much, have to understand (and I'm sure many of you do) that many people see America as the abusive boyfriend who won't stop with the black eyes. We keep going back to him no matter what and wearing long sleeves to cover the bruises, but one of these days, we're going to take a knife to his penis and claim self-defence.
It's a crazy kind of love. We'll keep trying until we get it right.
Love,
Canada
America responds:
Baby, we love you. You just make us so mad sometimes. But it'll get better. We can change, baby! We really love you baby. We didn't mean to hurt you! We only hit you because we love you.
And Canada gets the last mumbled frightened words in:
We shouldn't have burned America's dinner again.
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Not to get all authory and "the following people made this possible" because jeez, it's just this stupid little thing, but they inspired me soooo...very much thanks to: Rock Geisha who drew the metaphor out further and the Media Gadfly who dared to write about the audacity of hope and the Spalding Gray of Crap who provided that brilliant, brilliant burning the dinner line.
P.S. I got a new bed and a new TV and both are heavenly and I'm breaking the TV in gently by watching Pirates of the Caribbean again. Because there's no way to introduce a TV to a new home like Johnny Depp in full pirate regalia.
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