If you're wondering why I haven't been updating lately, it's because it is so hellishly cold outside that I am contemplating taking a cab for, like, two blocks to get home. And then stiffing them cause me no have monies.
It's so cold that I need to go to the store and buy some lotion because my legs are getting all dry and flakey. I bought this amazing hair serum that makes my hair look shiney and lovely and got rid of my dandruff. It is possibly the greatest thing to ever happen to hair ever. Anyway, it's cold. Why doesn't the whole world just stop when it's cold? Really? I mean, how is this fair if kids get to stay home from school if it's cold, but I have to go to work and interview them about how they feeeeel about a cold day and staying home cause it's cold.
Last night, I went to my friend Red's to play Scrabble in front of her fireplace. Her boyfriend Beardo the Weirdo beat us in the second game, but we think he studied up. I used an A and an M to make Zoom and Aim on a double word score, which gave me, like a crazy amount of points. Like, seventy. Billion. And he still won. Cause that fucker put down "blue" in front of "jays" and blocked my brilliant pluralization of zits on the triple word score. Fuck!
I'm practicing Scrabble because I've got a big tournament coming up here. Yeah. Scrabble. Tournaments. Also, we drank tea while playing. Now, it was chai tea, so I suppose we could fool ourselves into thinking we were cool, but dudes! Chai tea is SO twenty minutes ago! We're losers. But we're losers with giant vocabularies.
******
I've applied for a new job. But should I post it here? I don't know. I really want this one. I'd hate for them to google me, stumble across this place, realize that I use an overabundance of commas and take a pass. On the other hand, if you are from the Calgary Sun and you're surfing around trying to find out all that you can about me, you can find out an awful lot about how great I am by reading my previous stuff.
Oh yes. I used to be funny and smart and witty. I don't know why I'm not anymore. Perhaps my mortal enemy is sapping my strength with a giant strength sapper. It should have a big switch on the side that she should pull down while cackling maniacally. What would my mortal enemy look like? Like me, except green. You know, cause I'm Kim Possible. Or at least, I think I am in my more day-dreamy moments.
I'm Kim Possible. With big thighs. And there's knitting. And less red hair. I wish I had a Ron Stoppable. Any takers?
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