Though I know you're all fond of tuning in to Geek Chic as it is brought to you from that seemy underbelly of Canadiana, Calgary, Alberta, the bigwigs at headquarters are convinced that if you, my dedicated readers, enjoy Geek Chic, imagine how much MORE you would enjoy it if it were filmed in Miami only starring a washed up TV star who kinda gives people the willies and a bunch of handsome/pretty girls and boys with a penchant for wearing Oakleys and solving crimes in the Florida Everglades.
Who knows? If that spin-off of my wacky life goes well, perhaps it will mean a move to the big apple where a bunch of wise-ass Noo Yawkers are lead by a formerly respectable theatre and film actor who apparently needs to pay off a couple beachfront mortgages PDQ. There's a curly-haired smarty pants involved in both these spinoffs and I'll be damned if I can tell em' apart. I think one's Greek. Not sure. They say we need at least one sassy, curly-haired woman who plays off our leading men and gives them a little bit of sassy smartness to think about when they're not busy catching bad guys.
Okay, okay. As much as I'd like to enjoy the Big Apple's many delights and as much as I would hate to become just another tourist in Florida, we all know Geek Chic is not going to deviate from its original recipe. Except when we hire Gary Dourdan away from Las Vegas and have him act as my tall, dark, handsome love interest. That one is totally in the bag.
Were I to spin off and do tons of other "series" of web sites, the original website would suffer. I've already got another super sekrit place where I log my other thoughts too mundane for the lofty, hee-larious ditherings you witness here.
So, if you've been wondering why there's been a drop in quality on everybody's favourite snarky pop-culture website (Okay, so it's a cult hit at best), it's possible that my business elsewhere caused me to introduce a wacky next door neighbour or a cute little cousin who wreaks sling-shot/over-alled havoc week to week. I may also get married or have a baby in the next week. I've been told that raises flagging ratings. Whatevs. I can't be expected to keep track of EVERY change I or my executive producers make.
The franchising of television is what we're talking about here kiddies. I love television. Even bad television. However, when greedy stars, executives, creators even, want to capitalize on that success.
You've seen it happen countless times.
The X-Files was the first series to my knowledge that fell to this particular fate. I don't know if I'd say Millennium started it all. I mean, it wasn't even a particularly good show, so who knows if Chris Carter started, like, thinking he was super man because he created one kinda lame show after the X-files. I think it all stems from the GIANT BONGS laying around on the set. Lay off the crack pipe there, Chris. And then Duchovny was like: "I wanna go to Califooooornia!" Like that creepy kid in the Nintendo movie with Fred Savage. So they pack their shit up and move to L.A. But it wasn't no disco. Oh no. Cause D.D. was then like: "See ya suckas!" And he left! Just like that! And boom! Poor Robert Patrick is hooked into saving the entire series, but oooh, it's far too late for that. I mean, there's another lady and a baby and, hell. Before you know it, another spin-off. This time with those loveable losers the Lone Gunmen. They were cool babies. But on their own show, they became bumbling fools. And then they died. Crazy. But not too crazy because suddenly, Mulder was back and Doggett was hot and everybody said a little prayer for Scully and Mulder, who was seeing ghosts or something. The end. It's over.
So there were more shows that faltered.
Buffy. For example. Very, very, very good for the first, oh, say, three seasons. (I actually like seasons four, five and, you know, even six, if only for the musical episode). Some draw a direct correlation between the beginning of Angel and the end of Buffy. They may be right. It was certainly the end of Buffy when Firefly reared it's head.
And of course, CSI. How many incarnations can there be? With every new show, there are fewer hot guys. Why? I mean, I dig Gary Sinese, but he's no Warrick. This show is also apparently suffering from reading too much fanfic. Why else would we be submitted to an overabundance of "This time it's personal!" cases and peeks into the characters' personal lives? Riiiight. Possibly because the spoiled actors want more to doooo than spout crazy science talk! They want relaaaationships! GAH! Know your place people! Want to know why Law and Order lasts so long? Because it knows it's nothing more than a police procedural. No. Leave the bad romances to the fanfic writers. They do a much better job of it, mainly because they don't have to worry about diehard fans feeling they've permanently fucked up the cannon of the episode.
I could go on all day. There are plenty of different shows that suffer from spin-offitis. The only known cure? Character assasination and a hearty dose of cancellation.
The sad thing is, I want to know more about the CSI New York cast. They're actually kind of interesting. I'd assume that you don't hire people like Gary Sinese if you aren't going to give him something to work with. That's why I like William Peterson as Grissom. He gives us little hints to Grissom's weird personality without being all DRAAAAMMMAAA! He's funny and snarky without having to rely on some stupid little "So he substituted his brother's blood for his own, didn't he?/We'd better get out of here, hadn't we?"
Anyway. I'm sure somebody will clock David Caruso on the back of the head while he's posing, so elegantly with his hands on his hips, sunglasses at a jaunty angle as he stares...DIRECTLY INTO THE MIAMI SUNSET!!! Yep. He's a lizard.
tunes: Love.Angel.Music.Baby. I only bought it a week ago and I'm already kinda over it.
tube: CSI: MIAMI. Who is this loser Liam the Labtech wannabe.
text: Nothing at the moment. I've never been more bookless in my entire life. I need to go to the libary soon. Get me one of them newfangled cards.
