Fametracker: The Final Reckoning

2005-03-10, 2:01 a.m.

So I just checked my sitemeter (I so want to spell it metre. Damn you American companies and your American spellings!) and there are like, 76 visits today.

This got me thinking: What in the name of holy hell is going on here?

And then I checked the referrals. And it seems that somebody has linked me at Fametracker which is turning out the lights on its forums as of mid-March.

I am a Fametracker from way back. I started reading the articles when I was 19 and in my second year of University. I had just moved away from home and was without a computer really. I was in the library waiting for a bus and was trying to do some research for a film paper on David Cronenberg's Crash. I Yahoo-ed (pre-Google -- I know, scary, right?) Elias Koteas and whaddaya know? It lead me to the Battle of the Swarthy, Slightly Balding Studmuffins, which I still think is one of the funniest things I've ever read on the Internet. Ever.

I read articles for a year before I started posting in, what I think was late 1999, but I could be wrong. It turned into a full blown addiction when I moved for an internship and had no friends in the same city. When I finished the internship and moved back, I couldn't stop. These people were stupid funny. (Stupid with a ph of course.)

As a return on my time spent in the forums I got mix tapes, post cards, this nifty web design, some lifelong friends (I mean, I hope they're life long friends. You guys wouldn't abandon me just because we no longer use Fametracker to talk about my defence of Gwyneth Paltrow on the basis of Sliding Doors, would you? Fine! Be that way! I hate you anyway! I don't. I take it back. Bullocks, as Gwyneth as Helen in Sliding Doors would say).

So after a long time of posting and impressive time wasting, I found myself with a university degree, a job in another province, lots of free time and invinciblegirl's realization that we were all "a bunch of funny motherfuckers." Well. Something needed to be done about that. So I set up the quote pages. There's not much more to say. Except, here they are. Please enjoy them and feel free to surf around the rest of this site, which is mostly me talking out of my ass and making fun of things.

1. Fametracker, you so funny!
2. Fametracker 2: The Heretics
3. Fametracker 3: The Crappening
4. Fametracker 4: Marquesas
5. Revenge of the Fametracker
6. Son of Fametracker
7. Fametracker Rides Again
8. Songs in the Key of Fametracker
9. Achtung Fametracker

Why no more? Why not cap it off at an even 10? Because. I moved to a place where I had ZERO time at work to fuck around on the internet and no computer at home. Consequently, I was a much less frequent poster at FT. Sigh. Real life is so fucking lame sometimes. People quit sending me their quote pages as well, so you know, that was that. Oh, and also, FT burped and started over again with new servers and soon, I was lucky if I recognized one or two names of posters.

I'm sorry. I became the old lady who lives in her house on the end of the block and refuses to go outside because it was just "getting weird out there." This is not to say there weren't good posts. This is to say that the sheer volume of posts increased to the point that I was like "Some of you people are insane." And, uh, I still think that. It got too big for me to navigate. There was a time when I was on top of shit like that. A time when I would post in every single area, sometimes in every single thread on the first topic page. And that little blank arrow that signified that nobody else had posted after me would drive me nuts. "I want immediate gratification, dammit! Three seconds? But I want it now!"

That time, she has passed. In a way, the forums closing is also a closing in the chapters of my-- I'm kidding. Jeez. It's a website. There will be others. There ARE others. There's a whole, big, wide internet out there with lots and lots and lots of things on it. There's still TWOP forums if you're brave enough (which I am not, but I visit frequently to read recaps of television shows I have already watched because I'm weird like that.) Anyway. Longlive Fametracker and its many offshoots and all the best to Glark, Man From F.U.N.K.L.E. and Wing Chun who did their level best to provide us with a place to be funny and lambaste pop culture, revealing celebrities for the stupid, horrible, pretentious shits they are. Long may your snark flags fly.

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Is there a polite way to tell somebody at work that his massages pain me? Like, he'll come up behind me and start massaging my shoulders and he'll go "Oooooh! You're tense!" And that's when the creepy angry!hands! start. I like this guy, he's nice. Older and, I'm pretty sure, flamingly queer, so I'm not worried that he likes me "like that" or anything. I'm just, well, sore.

Him: "Oooh. You've got a knot here!"
Me: "Rrrrrghhhh...yeah."
Him: "Wow! It's so big! Do you feel that?"
Me: "Yes, indeed I do. Pretty big. Whaddaya say you stop pushing DIRECTLY ON IT, HUH?
Him: "Oh no! You should let me work that out of there! It's probably because you sit in front of a computer all day."
Me: "Yup. (Teeth grinding action) It has nothing to do with the fact that you're kneading me like I'm bread dough and you're angry at bread dough and determined to shorten its lifespan."
Him: "You're so TENSE!"
Me: "Ha-ha-ha. I guess I am. You know what always helps make me less tense? If somebody I don't really know touches me intimately."
Him: "I think your knot is connected to your mouse hand."
Me: "And also talks out of his ass."
Him: "Well, I better go!"
Me: Ow.

Please note that more than half of that conversation didn't take place. I will leave you to guess what part.


Text: Fametracker articles. For old times sake.
Tube: I love Ellen's talk show. She is so great. It seriously makes my day to see her come out dancing. I've been thinking about incorporating more dancing in my life. Like, random dancing. Just dancing around because I feel like it. My mom used to do that a lot when I was little. It makes me happy.
Tunes: Today, I rocked out on the bus. I was sitting there in my nice dress pants and cute gap jean jacket and scarf thinking: "None of these motherfuckers knows that I'm listening to AC/DC right now. I bet they think I'm listening to something sweetly hip like Scissor Sisters or Franz Ferdinand. Heh. Oooh! This my favourite part: Yes I'm in a gang! With a bang! They've got to catch me if they want me to hang! Cause I'm Back in Blaaaaaaack! Backinblack! Yesi'm BACK IN BLAAAACK! Heh. I am so hard core."


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