Why can't we have nice things?

2005-09-20, 7:06 p.m.

Can you just hold on for a second while I pick the underwire from my BRAND NEW BRA out of my ribcage?

I guess this bra isn't brand new. I bought it in August. But still, I haven't been wearing it enough to have it fall apart on me.

Whenever a favourite bra starts to show its age, I get sentimental. It's like watching a beloved family pet go downhill. A family pet with D-cups.

I hate bra shopping. I usually find stuff at La Senza, but some days, nothing fits. Some days, they have EVERY SIZE EVER, except mine. Or, I want it in white? Only comes in black. Can I get this with thicker straps? No. We've got it with bigger cups though.

This cannot be that difficult. Bra-makers, I beg of you: More D-40 in nice colours.

I just want something to comfortably push up my girls in a manner that will emphasize the fact that I have them, they're real and they're spectacular. Something that will make the guys go "Ooooh."

Of course, I'm operating under the assumption that somebody will someday look at my underwear again. Dry spelllllll.

###

Work story: There is a girl here who is, how do you say? Not very nice? I will tell you a little story and you can figure out why. Sunday, the Emmys were on. And I said of Naveen Andrews from Lost: "I hope he wins. He's hot." And she was all "Eurgh. How can you like him? He's not my type." Fine.

Then, Charlie Sheen and Ducky were all: "Watch our shitty show, please. And enjoy some inane, scripted patter about how we're not really all that funny, but the Emmys are on CBS this year, so you just have to deal with that, heffas." And she said "Oh, now Charlie Sheen, he's hot."

I didn't really have a good comeback for that because... hell, I lied. It's Charlie Sheen. The problem wasn't that I didn't have a good comeback, rather, how do I choose just one?

So I says to her, I says, "Charlie Sheen? CHARLIE SHEEN? You like Charlie Sheen and you dare question MY taste?" To which she haughtily replied "Well at least he (Charlie) is white."

A. HEM.

~FIN~

###

Dear Carson Kressley,

I love you, but shut the hell up about Special K, a'ight? I mean, I understand that your show is no longer groundbreaking, but do me a favour and stick to making over fat, male schlubs, mmkay? It's bad enough when skinny celebrities tell me I'm too fat without ever saying a word. I don't know if I can take it from you too.


tube: The depressing news.
text: Tomorrow's paper today. That's what happens when you stay up this late at work.
tunes: Trick Woo - First Blush.


0 have spoken





���