--Kanye West, Gold Digger.
I dont care what none of y'all say, Usher is fugly.
So fugly, in fact, that Kanye, my friend, you should seriously re-evaluate a relationship with said ho if she had bad taste enough to get down with this penis-nosed, bullet-headed, short-stack freak. Unless she insisted he wear protection in the form of a bag over his head.
I've got quite a few friends who love the ebony-skinned fellows to the exclusion of all else. There ain't nothin' wrong with that. I loves me some brothers. My obsession scary love shrine to admiration of Gary Dourdan is just one small piece of evidence supporting this statement.
However, I must draw the line at this dude. This Usher fellow. Why? May I again draw your attention to his phenomenal fugliness in the facial region? He's like the male version of Jessica Simpson: Bangin' body that won't quit, but a face like a horse/camel.
Fans of Usher, please do not e-mail me with pleas that I reconsider my hateration.
Fans of Usher, let me explain in words you can understand: Your hero is ugly. Ugly, ugly, ugly. U. G. L. Y. He ain't, in fact, got no alibi. Yeeeeaaaahhhhh, he ugly!
In ten years, we'll be like "He was okay, but man, he was so fucking ugly!"
Also, his music is derivative and, dude, SHUT UP AND GO AWAY. I feel badly that I once liked Yeah and Confessions. Because honestly, he fucked up, then he became a bigger millionaire than he already was by telling everybody what an asswad he was to his girl. And we just showered him with money for that when really, we should have been pinning his arms down and shouting "Hey, Chilli! Free shots girl!"
What's that? Something about "But he won all those awards!" I know he did. I know, okay? But as Bob Dylan, Elvis Costello, Tom Waits and, uh... Steve Buscemi prove to us all, ugly people can win awards too.
But as is the case with those people, they won the awards because they deserved them for excelling in their chosen fields. In Usher's case, it was like "Here! Here's an award! NOW will you leave us alone?"
And still, I hear the whines of protest coming from the people who love him and just cannot look at him with a critical eye. To do that, I suggest you take a step back from your crazy-in-love-ness and tilt your head slightly to the left. Or right, if you're so inclined. See that? That sort of... I don't know... lack of hotness? No?
MY GOD! Do I have to do everything for you?
Here! He looks like a creepy clown! You know how some clowns have a big, red mouth? Like that. And there's a plasticicity to him that's also disconcerting. An air-brushed Joe-Camel-ish-ness. (Incidentally, that photo of John Cusack in the corner is also not good. It reminds me of the cartoon Hades in the Disney movie Hercules.)
And Here he is showing us his fabulous fashion sense. Except for how I think I had a barbie doll with a jacket exactly like that when I was eight. In 1987. And check out how his jeans are too long. Almost like he's trying to pass for tall by buying longer jeans. Sorry dude. You're a mini-rapper. I could fit you in my pocket.
I find this one almost ... surreal. He's a super-hero dawg! He got an entourage! He got a GANG up in tha hizzouse! He look... like a penis with a rolled up condom on his head! There's even a little reservoir tip! Shit, he even KNOWS how dumb he looks and is trying to counteract that problem by dressing up the six guys behind him to look exactly the same. "I am so confident with my penis-men-in-black look, that I told all my friends and they decided to try it too!" But the best part of that picture is that gesture he's making. Like: "Welcome to Downtown coolsville! Population: Us!"
Here were are again, with the not-complimentary-to-his-face-shape aviator sunglasses, the arm bands, and of course, the thing all the music visionaries seem to be wearing this year: a sleeveless tunic. Sigh. No, no, no! Those are for girls and hippy rockers, Usher! I expect, like, Chris Robinson and the rest of the Black Crowes to show up in a filthier version of this, but you are a young, urban hip-hop star.
And you should just grow your hair out. Please? You would look sooooooo much better if you did! Or don't. Whatever. I lied. It's not going to make you look better. Nothing will.
Finally, this site professes to be a fan site, but the images are so terrible, I can only assume this person secretly hates Usher and is attempting to turn people away from him.
So there you have it, sports fans. Usher = Ugly.
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