I make no apologies. Except I'm really sorry about this entry.

2006-09-25, 12:07 a.m.

Look.

Look. Here's the thing.

I just... I want everybody to know, I am not a stupid person. I'm not! Really!

I confess to doing some things that maybe, upon further reflection, weren't that smart (got laid off), or that put me in a bad light (numerous screaming fights with parents) or that got me grounded for an entire summer when I was 16 (stole a car). But those things are the exceptions that proved the rule! I'm a good person and I'm smart and I love cultured, nice, things.

Really. I have good taste. I am going to see Volver next weekend at the Film Fest, which is in town. See? Penelope Cruz! Pedro Almodovar! Possibility of subtitles! I am fucking klassy, okay!?

ORLY? I hear you Internet leet speakers chuckling. ORLY serving as Internet speak for "Methinks the lady doth protest too much." Well screw you, h8rz!

ORLY? Yes. Rly.

I am telling you this because I don't think anybody will believe me after I reveal my current guilty... well, I won't say pleasure becauses ... wait. Yes. I totally would.

I do find it pleasurable to watch grown men ride rockets, eat snow cones made with their own urine, fight with anacondas in a ball pit while dressed as sailors, attach leeches to their eyeballs, electrocute their balls, give themselves papercuts and insert toy cars into... er, body cavities.

So. Now you know. I like Jackass. I like it a lot. More than I probably should.

I don't really care what anybody thinks either!

Okay. Well, that's not ENTIRELY true. The fact that I contributed to making Jackass Number Two no. 1 at the box-office this weekend while Film Fest was going on would pretty much be the height of embarrassment. I do try not to be ashamed, but come on! A guy attached a LEECH (!) to his eyeball (!!!) HIS EYEBALL! Right on it! I saw it!

I don't know why this fascinates me. I could lie and say it's the relative creativity of some of the dares and pranks they pull. I mean, can you imagine the planning that must go into these movies? Nothing formal, probably. I don't think many of these guys see a lot of board room action.

But I can totally see them meeting in a treefort or something with a couple kegs, just consistently daring each other, trying to one-up the group. I think the ultimate would be the ones where NOBODY wants to do it.

The toy car up the bum one. I bet a hush came over Fort Knoxville when somebody mentioned that one.

"Dudes! Dudes! Listen! I got one! It's the best! Shut UP! You fuckin' retards! Listen! Okay: Toy car. Up the ass. HUH!? HUH!?"

And everybody else is like "Oooooh!" followed immediately by "Ewwwwww! No! No way! My parents! My parents would see that! I couldn't! Dude! They'd disown me! What if my girlfriend thinks I'm gay! Even though I secretly like a finger up the bum sometimes! That is totally different!"

So I could lie and say "they're so creative!" But really, it doesn't take a genius to think about where somebody wouldn't like to stick a toy car.

Really, I think it's funny for the same reason as football to the groin. Laughing at the pain of others is great! Ha! Ha! He got hit in the balls with a wiffle bat! And I didn't!

I don't care who you are, that is humour at its most base, depraved level. If people didn't laugh at that, America's Funniest Home Videos wouldn't continue to air. And then where would Daisy Fuentes be?

Oh. Right.

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Autumn's here! Pumpkins! The Halloween issue of Martha Stewart Living! (I know, I know. Shut up!) Fall TV! Lattes! Scarves! Leaves! Knitwear! Tights! Eeeeee!!!

Seriously. I hate summer and I'm glad it's over. Flip Flops are so tired. So there! If I could live in a place where it was autumn year round, I would.



This one's gonna be longer than usual.
Tube: Oh, I'm watching so much bad TV, you don't even want to know. Baaaad TV. CSI: Miami bad. Men in Trees bad. Baaad. And I'm eagerly anticipating the return of the best show nobody is watching: Veronica Mars. I'm a little leery about this season. It seems like it might have to be a little more depressy than sounds fun, really. I mean, what with the deaths of many characters in tragic ways last season and how they affect many of the main characters and all. It would be more than a little weird to have Mac be like "Oh, man! University level trig is waaaay harder than high school trig! Hey, wanna make out!? I'm single now, cause my ex boyfriend turned out to be a mass murdering psycho who jumped off the roof of a hotel after trying to kill my best friend and her boyfriend, but only after torturing her into believing he'd killed her father. Good thing he didn't kill her dad. No, he just killed a bunch of his classmates and a mechanic and the mayor, who molested him when he was in little league. A kegger? I am so there!"
Text: I'm reading a lot too. I just finished Good Omens (Oh Crowley. Sigh.) and I'm in the middle of Jonathan Strange & Mr. Norrell, which I put aside in favour of a George Pelecanos novel, which I will have to put aside for the new one by Mark Haddon.
Tunes: I've got several mix-tapes on the go and I'm ODing on those before I send them out and I've got the new Justin Rutledge, Grizzly Bear's latest and today, I found the Mooney Suzuki reissue at work! Huzzah! Asobi Seksu is playing in town tomorrow and I think I'm gonna go see them. Oh, and I'm going to see the Rolling Stones in Regina in October. With my parents. How's about that for lame?



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