I come prepared with excuses. One: Facebook ate my life. Two: I packed up said life and moved across the country with it. Again.
Yes. It's true. I'm on facebook. Against my better judgement. Staying in touch with people on facebook is a lot cheaper and easier than calling all of their lazy asses long distance. And if my friends are anything, it's cheap and easy. But the thing is, it also lets people I don't like stay in touch with me.
Don't get me wrong, it's nice to see that the jerks I knew in high school remain jerks. There's a reunion group for my high school graduating class which I am patently refusing to join. When I graduated, I had this fantasy of it being ten years later when I would be like "I'm too busy to be bothered." It's not that I think I'm better, it's that I KNOW I am. Suck on that, overachievers.
As for item number two... I moved from Alberta to Ontario. Which is a little like moving from Texas to Massachusetts. There are still assholes, it's just a different BRAND of asshole. One that I'm more inclined to agree with politically, which I don't really know if I like. As much as I hate to admit it, I LIKED being the sore thumb. Oh, you want an opinion? I'll give you an opinion, you backwards, turkey-jizz drinking redneck motherfucker! Then there'd be a conversation that would escalate to an argument and we'd be talking over each other and ... never the twain shall meet. And if this were the movies, we'd overcome our differences for long enough to rip each other's clothes off and make the beast with three backs (I don't know how you do it, but three backs is way better than two) But this is real life where I'm still like "Oh YEAH, fuckwad?" And then I say something to let them know how I REALLY feel. Consequently, this is why I am still single.
My new life is in Guelph, which is about half an hour west of Toronto. I know a lot of people (particularly in the west) hate Toronto, but I don't personally get it. How can you hate a city that has provided us with so many opportunities to grill various meats on sticks? The last time I was in Toronto was coming on four years ago. I kind of can't wait to go back to see if it's still smelly and hectic. It probably is. Shine on, you crazy, garbage-covered diamond, you!
Another thing about southern Ontario, it's hot as BALLS here in the summer. Like... I want to DIE hot. Like, it isn't even summer yet and it's so hot-hot. Like, "Boy, this third floor walk-up sure SEEMED like a good idea at the time" hot. One good thing about living where I do: I will lose weight merely by walking up and down six flights of stank, humid, stairs four or five times a day. To tell you the truth, that's why I'm putting off going for a run today. It's not bad out, but I am tired just thinking of running for half an hour to an hour and then climbing the stairs.
Check it, readers: My laziness will remain strong no matter where I live. As a good friend of mine from high school once said: "You're not being lazy. You're conserving energy. One day, you're going to DO something and people are going to be like 'Holy shit! Look at the energy she's expending!" Speaking of that friend, get on facebook already, Goodwin! Jeez.
Oh yeah. We're back on facebook. I kind of think I don't want my online life to merge with my real life quite so much. I keep this blog kind of anonymous. I mean, some people I know in real life read it, but only the really cool people. And I suppose, if they googled the right combination of words and phrases, they might find me. And part of me doesn't give a shit, but the other part of me is like 'do you really need to know what I'm up to?' That part of me thinks facebook is creepy.
I mean, great, the guy who made fun of me every day throughout Grade 5 and 6 is now my "friend." I want to ask him "are you new to the Internet?" You don't have to reach out to every single person you know online. Oh my GOD! We were born in the same city! If you think that unites us somehow, then you are even dumber than I remember you being.
Jesus Christ. I can't believe I have to explain how the Internets works to these morons. Because if they reach out to me, it's rude to not friend them back. And I try not to be OUTRIGHT rude. I mean, I won't be rude to just ANYBODY. I've got to know them a little first. The politics of facebook dictate that I acknowledge their presence, but, um, don't they know that the Internet is primarily used for mocking those you suffered through high school with? I'm not the chick you made fun of anymore, but I'm not going to be the bigger person and let you pretend you didn't do that either.
Fact is, Tyson (and if that isn't a name you give to a child who will grow up to be a douche, I don't know what is), we were never friends. We weren't never gonna BE friends. So what do you think has changed in the last 15+ years? Did you suddenly stop being a giant asshole? Did I suddenly become a person who would overlook years of asshole behaviour to be friends with an asshole? Reformed or otherwise?
I don't think I did, but just in case, I'll hide behind this wall of politeness facebook has built in. You can see my limited profile. I don't know why I care about seeming polite to a dude who punched me in the arm daily for two years until I punched him in the face, but that's the Internet for you. Even when I have a chance to be rude and obnoxious, I pass it up. Just in case it gets back to somebody I know that I acted like a bitch. I'm so lame. It's not like that would come as a surprise to many people, after all.
Tunes: Cotton Mather's Kontiki, lovingly represented by Paul Rudd on this week's Veronica Mars.
Text: The new Buffy the Vampire Slayer comic. I'm on The Long Way Home Part III. So far: Not enough Giles. This should be Gilesier.
Tube: Scrubs. Oh how the mighty have fallen. Seriously. Zach Braff is becoming the new John Cusack. You heard it here first, folks. Still love the Janitor though. Maybe a little too much.
0 have spoken
