The only thing that makes the Emmy's worthwhile is the fact that they're not as vain and pompous and self-serving as the Oscars. At least there are no lifetime achievement awards at the Emmy�s. You know the kind. Where the recipient is given carte blanche on acceptance speeches and rambles on and on and on and gratingly thanks everyone they�ve ever met? Yeah. That kind. I hate those kinds. I like the Emmy�s becasue they don�t have that. Or do they?
This year, the Emmy�s decided to up the ante. They thumbed their nose in the general direction of big brother Oscar as if to say �See? We can be pompous and officious too! Nyah-nyah!�
First, they voted the West Wing as best drama. I'm sorry, but in a season that also included HBO's daring show about sex and death, Six Feet Under, that never should have happened. Then about seven actors from the West Wing were nominated. Some of them for the same award they've won last year. And at least four won. And they all profusely thanked Aaron Sorkin, the creator of the show in their acceptance speeches, praising him as if praising God. Because you know he�s a latter day Shakespeare and not some hack who got busted for �shrooms.
But I digress. I can forgive them the West Wing. It�s not horrible. Heck, I�ll even forgive them Friends even though it hasn�t been funny for the last three years and is continuing on a downward slide. Whatever happened to honouring a show because it was good when it was good? I mean, if Homicide: Life on the Streets had never been cancelled, would it have deserved an Emmy in its worst and final ninth year to make up for the fact that it didn't even get nominated in its best year, the third season? No. You want an award for a good show? Make a good show.
Whoops! I digress again! My bad.
What I really, really cannot forgive them for is the new Bob Hope Humanitarian award.
Dude! Bob ain�t even dead yet and you�re offering up awards in his name? And then, to make matters worse, you give it to Oprah? You know that Bob Hope was sitting on his couch with a bowl of Pirate Booty and an IV drip of Scotch going: "Oprah Winfrey? Who the F-?"
In her loooong acceptance speech, she said she just tries to be a great human being and strives to accomplish wonderous miracles of everyday life. Okay. Does that mean the rest of us have to constantly be the best little Oprah�s we can be as well?
Oprah decides to read a book, the nation decides that book is the be all and end all. Oprah decides to go on a diet, we all go on diets. Is Oprah gauging the nation, or is the nation guaging Oprah?
I hate Oprah. She�s consistently self-congratulatory and smarmy about what a wonderful person she is. She's schmoopy and stupid and you totally know she keeps a dream journal and then consults it for show ideas. Remembering your spirit? Quoi?
But we have to put up with her poofy dress and her false platitudes and her dorky attempts to make us all better people through macrame or inward mining of the soul or some fucking thing. Oh we have to put up with it all! Because Oprah loooooves you. She wants to know how you�re feeeeeling. She wants to heeeeellllp you! Become a better person through Oprah! She�s just plain folks! Let her heeeeeeal you with her special wisdom that comes from being rich and famous!
Blech. Shut up Oprah. The only thing that makes her "win" worth it is knowing she has to take that fugly bust of Bob Hope home to sit on her pristine mantle. Or her lap. Whichever disgusts you less. Or more.
In conclusion, I would like to thank Aaron Sorkin, who represents all that is good and right in the world of television writing and without whom the world would be a dark and dreary place where no flowers would grow, no clowns would laugh, no children would sing. My Sorkin. My hero. My Oprah.
I'm craving: That deep magenta sweater in the window of Cleo's. It looks so warm! So warm! And I'm so cold!
I'm reading: Harper's magazine. A fascinating account of the shoot out at the OK Corral as told by the descendants of Wyatt Earp and Ike Clanton. Conveniently named Wyatt Earp and Ike Clanton.
I'm watching: Manchild. Thank God for BBC Canada. Mmmmm....Anthony Stewart Head! You're so yummy! You can be my watcher!
I'm listening to: I'm Bad, Like Jesse James by John Lee Hooker. Yeah! I'm bad. I'm baaaaaad. Like Jesse James. Un-hunh.
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