Kalan Porter, that wonder-boy who won Canadian Idol is returning home next weekend, so I will be covering that. What fun. Thousands of girls all screaming that they want to marry Kalan. (For my American friends, think Clay Aitken with curly hair. Instead of looking like Yahoo Serious, he looks like a hobbit. No, seriously. Like Frodo. Big, watery eyes and all.) No, no! They reeeeeeeeaaallly, reeeeeeaaaalllly love him! Like, mad love, yo.
I don't know. That's how kids talk. Right? Sigh.
Shit. I don't know what to write about. I'm having a bad case of writer's block. I've been thinking that I need to write, like a novel or something. But the whole not having a computer makes it hard. You need a computer for EVERYTHING. I mean, it's a library, a jukebox, a word processor, a movie theatre, a television and a calendar. All in one! All for the low-low price of $2,000. Or more. Cause you gotta buy a printer/scanner/copier and internet connection and lotsa other shit.
In the age of Google, why do we even bother with the library? Or phone books? Or cook books? I typed in a recipe for cornbread and about a thousand different results came up.
Speaking of Google, is there anybody in today's working world who does not know how to use this simple little search engine? No? I didn't really think so. So the dude I work with who tried to tell this other dude how to google something? Shut uuuupppppp! "The thing you'll want to remember about google is..." Ummm, look, you type a word or phrase into it and you hit enter. Or return if that's what bakes your cake. Not that tough. So shut up about refined searches and shit, buddy. We all know how to fucking google.
In celebrity news:
So Billy Joel got married. Again. Good to see that marriage isn't just for skinny asshole famewhores anymore. The coke-bloated asshole famewhores also have a shot. Good for them.
Britney: Britney who? Is she still famous? Why? Because she married her dancer boyfriend. Or did she? Bum-bum-buuummmmm! Britney, I have one word for you: Tiffany. Tiffany who? Exactly.
Lindsay Lohan: I'm sorry that I'm mesmerized by her royal crappiness. I thought she was not bad in Freaky Friday. I thought she was boardering on awesome in Mean Girls. Fortunately, Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen brought me back to earth. And also showed me that little Eli Marienthal who voiced Hogarth Hughes in my favourite movie of all time "The Iron Giant" is apparently something of a hottie now. Who is way too young for me to even consider him a hottie. Ahem. (But he's totally hot, you guys.) But anyway, back to the Lohan. What's her deal? I used to think she played a clueless teen queen quite well. But now I'm starting to think she is a clueless teen queen. And what's up with the big, ratty hair thing? That's just fug.
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