�He's poor? That's the shocking twist? Fuck that. Judging by the promos, I suspected something way more alarming and sinister. Like, how cool would it have been if he was actually an evil brain eating alien zombie? And the hos were trapped in the house with him, and if you survived the night, you won, all Maniac Mansion style?
Nathaniel December 11, 2002 (Joe Millionaire.)
�If anybody can walk the talk, Vin Diesel can. I bet he even bench-presses the talk. Me? I stalk the walk. Sorry, misspelling. I stock the wok. Stir-fry, anybody?
The Uke King--January 2, 2002
�Kack! KACCKKKK! Sorry, a little something was stuck in my throat. I think it was a bit of communion wafer. Scott Stapp needs to figure out that being Christlike means good deeds, good will toward your fellow man, compassionate actions, charity, and the like. Being Christlike does not mean assuming blasphemous, crucifixion-like poses, healing people, and walking on water in your videos. Asshat.
Lula Carson--December 31, 2002
�On hearing that Survivor: The Amazon contestant Deena wanted to buy new flooring if she won the million:
"But my floor's still cracked and broken!"
"Forget it, Deena, the tribe has spoken!"
Monorail!
Mikeski--January 16, 2003
�Friends did not merely "jump the shark." It lept atop the mighty beast, humped it to orgasm, beat it about the head, and slid off into the sea.
little master--December 09, 2002
�[British narrator voice]As we observe the Faux punkius raccoonus in it's natural habitat be alert to any baring of it's teeth. A wide open maw and bared teeth are warning signs to potential predators that the animal's about to bite, or worse, sing. The song of the punkius raccoonus is enough to drive away even the hungriest of predators. [/British narrator voice]
Nathaniel on Avril Lavigne
�Wal-mart is nobody's friend. If wal-mart were an ice cream, it would be pralines and dick.
lady_b--December 27, 2002
�Heck, I find him (Colin Farrell) attractive but even I don't know what I'm seeing. Though I suspect I may have an eyebrow fetish.
LaComtesse--January 15, 2003
�I have that warm fuzzy feeling only Lola's poop can bring about.
-Her Name is Bambi?! (on the new season of the Osbournes)
�Jacko: Hello, friends. What are you doing here?
Corey Feldman: You left me to die in New York on Sept. 11! That�s just wrong. I thought we were friends! You sold me out! I gotta go work on my new CD. You�re dead to me now, man.
Marlon Brando: the velocity of the reactor is such that when you put the cheeseburger inside the cheeseburger will go back in time. Where is my cheeseburger? You�re all swine!!! Some swine. I�d like some wine....
Liz Taylor:_____Gladiator?_____
-LaComtesse on Michael Jackson's crazy buddies.
�You know who was an army of one? Rambo.
Portia--January 11, 2003 (on weird Army commercials)
�And yet they spat on him and called him a baby-killer. Who are they to protest Rambo?! Huh?! Who are they?!
Rogue Pimp--January 11, 2003
�As for the subject of the terrorism ads: If Bin-Laden was tied to marijuana why weren't the caves in Tora Bora full of natty coaches, empty pizza boxes, PS2s and an empty Iguana tank?
-SideshowRob--January 13, 2003
�I'm too old to have ever crushed on [Corey Feldman] and after seeing the Surreal Life last night all I can say is that he is one huge ass ball of crazy. I vote that he is the first to go postal on one of the other scary creatures who are in that house.
Her Name is Bambi!?--January13, 2003
��I think I'd find one of the tabloid paparazzis and kick his ass, moonwalk style.�
I'm confused. He'd slide away backwards? Who would that intimidate?
-Ripley on Michael Jackson.
�I have given exactly three standing ovations in my life, and that seems about right. Although I would also have leapt to my feet and offered a hearty round of applause to the fellow, described in the Pirates of the Carribean thread, who, upon seeing a preview for the film, declared aloud that it was rated "Ahhr."
The Uke King--December 25, 2002
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