�I love how Evan says that he "arranged" for the girls to shovel shit and coal and pick grapes in the freezing drizzle. Evan couldn't arrange something if it involved removing a burning hat from his nappy curls.
-bleebleeblah on Joe Millionaire
�That whole intro reminds me of My Fair Lady or something. Can't you see Joe going back to his construction worker friends after the show is over and realizing how low-class his life is now, and then going back to FOX and being all, "Look what you made me into! I know what fork to use now! What am I supposed to do now?" And then FOX is all, "Go get my slippers."
-Sebastienne on Joe Millionaire
�Hey, there was I time when I, too, weighed 60 pounds and enjoyed dressing up in a leotard and tutu. I call it "fourth grade."
-Rhazzbaby on Lara Flynn Boyle�s Golden Globe outfit
�RE [Lara Flynn Boyle�s] golden globe outfit: She looks like she should be spinning around mechanically to out of tune Swan Lake in my jewelry box (she would probably fit too).
-Evie16luvsTim
�I watched this for the first time, and the whole thing is my idea of hell. Live vocal performances? I would rather sleep every night with a ventriloquist dummy. Listening to people who think they have a "gift" and having to be the one to tell them that they suck ass? Make that a clown ventriloquist dummy!
-Lady_b on American Idol
�Here's a standard philosophical syllogism: not all movie bombs feature Tim Curry, but all Tim Curry features are movie bombs.
-lifeguard
�I'm against any movie which features Tom Cruise fighting the system. Note to Tom: You are the system!
-Rogue Pimp
�I'm glad to see that--despite all the attention that the "pot gets you pregnant/kills your dog/starts nuclear war/etc." ads are getting--there is still room on the airwaves for the "Tobacco is whacko (if you're a teen)" PSAs. But I wish they'd show the rest of the campaign. You know:
�Tobacco impairs your quack-o (if you're a duck);
�Tobacco will give you an allergy attack-o (if you have MCS);
�Tobacco is on-track-o (if you've already lost a lung);
�Tobacco cuts you slack-o (if you're not yet a teen but want to hang out with the cool older kids);
�Tobacco destroyed Jacko! (if you're a British gossip columnist);
�Tobacco tastes like yak-o (if you're a hunchback-o)
�and my favorite, Tobacco isn't as bad as crack-o (that's why it's not illegal).
(I wanted to employ "bareback-o" somewhere, but you should always use a condom when smoking, kids. Always.)
-Oaklander
�I think what I like about the gellin' ad is the way the woman seamlessly introduces melon into a conversation about foot care products. "My, these insoles are comfortable! And they certainly do cut down on corns! Cantaloupe?"
-Zooby
�Sirius and Lupin? I always thought all the slashy goodness was radiating off of Snape. He's just so controlled and repressed in desperate need of a good...Ok... um let me change the topic. I try to keep it PG-13 up in here. 6th luv da kids.
-The 6th Element on Harry Potter fanfiction.
�Bashir: Do you really think that's appropriate?
Jackson: Oh, Martin, I would never... Ponies! Sparkly Stars! Love!
Bashir: But you're a grown man, do you-
Jackson: Oh, no! You're making it sound... Pretty Pictures! Boys! Boys in my Bed! Tra La La!
-Whelmed
�Captain Janeway will always be Mrs. Columbo to me. "Look! Mrs. Columbo in space!"
-NoDepression
�If I ever meet Christopher Guest the first thing I will say to him is "I know you! I know you! I know you!" And then he'll punch me.
-Hasbro
�They're running an ad here in New York for Cabaret, "Now starring the deliciously decadent Neil Patrick Harris!" Buddy, the best you can hope to be is Doogliciously Doogiedant.
-slappy
�No matter what, Gary Cole will always be either Lucas Buck or Bill Lumbergh. The former point was always apparent to me, but the latter only became clear when I saw One Hour Photo - in which his character's name actually is "Bill" again, and from thenceforth I was unable to watch his scenes without imagining him holding a coffee cup and saying things like "If you could just develop those photos for me during your lunch hour, that'd be greaaaaat."
-Santanico
��Why do I know anything at all about Stern's penis?�
The same reason why we all know about his penis - dude can't stop talking about it. If he ever won a Nobel Prize (perish the thought), his acceptance speech would refer to his endowments. "This is a great honor, and have I mentioned I have a tiny dick? Thank you, and good night."
-Shalamar
�I tried the air-guitar-on-your-leg-while-hopping-around thing, and it's tougher than Carrey makes it look.
Also, I need to get a coffee table without such sharp edges.
-Jim Treacher on Jim Carrey's impromptu SNL appearance during a Foo Fighters set.
�Colin Quinn's fucked. Up speech, patterns with? the ub(iqui? tous!) wro!ng inflec-tions rai; ses my blood(pressure) everytimeIseehis doughy, pa. le face. I hope! this show di?es a miserablepainfulsinfullypleasingdeath.
-TheLastSanePostman on Tough Crowd with Colin Quinn (Ed. -- I concur.)
�By the way, would ANYONE stand by one of those horse trailers as long as she did while the horse inside freaks the hell out? I run away when my grandmother's poodle gets snippy.
-SerendipityHQ on The Ring.
�American Beauty originally ended with a big courtroom scene, as Kevin Spacey's daughter and her pot-dealing boyfriend are accused of murder. If you watch the film. you can see that it is rather carefully written so that every character might be Spacey's killer. Me, I think it was bstewart.
-the Ukulele King
��What is TiVo?" "What is $cientology?" People, is Google so hard to navigate?
-bstewart on questions in the "Everything you wanted to know" thread.
�"Spider bite", yeah right. He has obviously just had plastic surgery on his ankle, making it smaller, thinner, and more Caucasian-looking.
-Kochanski on Crazy Michael Jackson
�As I understand it, the Queen knighted Michael Caine with his own wang, and declared him to be "Lord Mightyhangdown."
-the Ukulele King
�Queen Liz: "Allow me to knight you with my giant sword." {unzipping} "Oh, I see you've already brought one. Well, save me the trouble, then, and just swing it 'round your shoulders. There's a good chap."
-zivvie on Michael Caine�s prodigious wang (Ed. --Well, not literally on it, because...ow.)
�Angela [Bassett] is to historic black women what Cuba Gooding Jr is to aquatic themed black military men.
-Marla Singer
�I wonder if he was eating curds and whey when the spider bit him.
-Navin on Crazy Michael Jackson.
�If Walt Disney had a baby-dangling ride at Disneyland, he wouldn't have lasted a day.
-mimsy18 on Michael Jackson comparing himself to Walt
�Kevin Spacey is gay?!?
-bstewart
�And I for one welcome our new insect overlords. I remind them that, as a trustworthy critic of Britney Spears, I can be useful to them in rounding up other FTers to work as slaves in their underground sugar caves, building gigantic sugar idols to J-Lo's massive ass.
-Calvin
�Actually, I think it's very possible that (and I have to warn you all because this is extremely vulgar, disgusting and disturbing but it has to be said) her pussy secretes alcohol.
-Mariposa on Jennifer Lopez
�Bobby looks like he's been dipped, shake 'n' baked and broasted. Reading the quotes is good, but seeing the interview will be better. I don't know how Diane keeps a straight face when Whitney talks about 730 K in drugs and receipts. Where did she go? J.J.'s Little House of Crack? Ralph�s Cut Rate Cokery? The Crack Shack?
-Mimsy18
�When I grow up, I wanna be as deluded as Jennifer Lopez.
-nazlan
�She definitely understands commitment now. The minister is going to say, "Jennifer, do you take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband, for better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, till death do you part?" And she will say, "Yeah. We'll see. I hope so."
-Glitterbug
�Edited because a "GIANT red riboon" is probably a poo-flinging primate easily found at a horrific zoo.
-Lula Carson
�If she keeps spiraling downward, and no one at her record company insists on counterbalancing her craziness in terms of choice of material, I think we can look forward to ditties like "Mind Your Own Business," "Get These Bugs Offa Me," "You're All Out To Get Me," "Don't Take My Baby," "I Don't Wanna Go To No Psych Unit," and, finally, "Angels with Crackpipes."
-Lula Carson on Whitney Houston
�"It's a fact"... okay, buttmunch, show us some frickin' proof that my purchase of reefer that's grown in Kentucky is funding al-Queda, or the Aryan Brotherhood, or the Democratic Party, or whatever terrorist cell you want to name. 'Cause unless there's some new terrorist group known as "Allah's Hillbillies," the only thing my cash is supporting is a new pick-up and some extra hunting gear from the local Wal-Mart.
-Earl Camembert on anti-drug PSAs
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