I'm very happy, even if it is a non-descript Tempo. They can't all be 72' Dodge Darts named Green Onions. I've been informed that this one is called White Lightning. I'm okay with that.
I'm now even further in debt. Yay me. Yay deer that I hit. Thanks a lot for not having any insurance, deer! Thanks for being caught in the headlights and not fricking moving!
There were like five of them on the road. I only hit one though. The rest of them moved.
What was that one deer thinking?
"I wonder if the grass really IS greener on the other-Woah! Hey! What's that? Is that a- nah! It couldn't be! Could it? A car? On the road? Heaven's to Betsy, it is! She sees us. Dudes! Don't run! She totally sees us! She'll stop! Don't worry! I mean, look at me! I'm just standing here! I'm not worried at a-OW! OW! Holy crap! Deer Lord (Geddit? Deer? With the...aww nevermind) that hurt quite a bit. Oh. My intestine. It seems to be all over that car. Ouch. I can't *believe* she didn't see me!"
What I was thinking:
"Where did I put that last twizzler? Oh there it is. La-la Laaaaaa! Can't walk out! Beeecauuuuuse I love you too much baaaaayyy beeee! La-la-laaaa-la-la-la-laaa with Suspicious Miiiiinds. La-la-laa-Hey! Is that a deer? Is that *five* deer? It is! It's five deer! On the road! Get off the road. No, really. No. Really. I mean it. Get off! Oh, thank you! There we go! Alright you! Move. All your friends moved. Sort of. They're not really off the road yet either. Okay. Starting to get pissed. Jaysus! MOOOVE! I'm gonna hit you! I don't want to hit you! I can't not hit all of you when you're standing like that!" *CLUNK*SPLAT*CLUNK*
"Uhhhhhh. Ow. Ow. Okay. That's my head. That's my head and that's the steering wheel and that really hurt. Am I bleeding? I am. Ow. I mean, I guess I'm thankful that I'm not the deer. His brain matter appears to be smeared all over my windshield. So in comparison, it's not that bad. But I repeat: OW!"
So yeah. Then I felt really guilty. Because an ambulance came for me, but the deer had to drag itself off and die. Anyway, now, $3,000 later, I don't feel so bad for the deer. Bastard.
Anyway, this is just a little site to help enhance my writing skills because I write all the time. Do it for a living, in fact. But it's boring. Also, I frequently feel the need to swear. And my paper won't let me do that. I called this journal Porchlight because my mom always left it on for me when I was growing up in small town Saskatchewan and it was a comforting thought.
And for those of you wondering:
I am reading:
Strunk and White - The Elements of Style. For the fifth time. We should all read this book. We should carry it around in our back pockets actually. It's all you'll ever need to know about grammar and punctuation.
I am watching: Big Brother. Poor Roddy. Not.
I am driving: A non-descript white Ford Tempo. I feel like a homicide detective!
I am in love with: Cheese. I really am. I could talk about cheese all day. Many conversations I have turn into conversations about cheese, and I like to slip in references to esoteric cheeses in my bi-weekly column. Like anybody where I am cares about camembert. But they should. Oh they really should.
I am being annoyed by: A mosquito that found it's way into the office. And the guy who sits behind me. He's THAT GUY. You know the one. Yeah. Him.
