On Friday night, I went out on a police ride-along. Now, in larger cities, you wouldn't get to do stuff like this, but in the small city of about 45,000 people in which I live, they welcome this kind of thing. And since my job entails riding with the cops every week to find "safe" drivers, I have an in. The guy who usually does my quickie safe-driver rides offered to sponsor me to come on a ride along. This means it happened a lot faster than normal. Sometimes it takes a few weeks and you get a traffic cop who hates his job and is being punished. But I know the guy and he loves what he does and went a little further for me than most would.
I got to ride around from 7 p.m. to 4 a.m. with my friend Marc. And man, did we kick some ass and take some names! Literally!
The first part of the night was spent writing tickets for hapless speeders.
You know, I can't help wondering what kind of buttwad would be condescending and mean to a cop with a very large weapon strapped to his or her person, when he/she has just caught you, dead to rights going 40 km over the speed limit in a school zone. If it were me being pulled over for speeding, I'd be very contrite and polite. Your snotty attitude does not help your case. You should be polite and apologetic. Take the ticket and say thank-you. If you show some of these traits, they will likely get you a break.
For example, if you were doing 30 over, but you politely produce your licence and registration with something approaching humility, then they might say "We know you were doing 30, but the radar only caught you at 20. Try to be a little more careful." This saves you a good $20. Thank them. Without being sarcastic.
Do not call them any of the following names: Seargent Standanko, Occifer, Robo Tits, flatfoot, Cap'n Bacon, blue boy or Officerette. They don't like sarcasm. They can, in fact, smell it a mile away.
Do not ask them how you're going to pay for the ticket. They do not give one sweet shit how you're going to pay for it. They're doing their job. If yours does not pay you enough to speed without consequence, then don't do it.
Do not cry. Sure, you may be upset, but in the grand scheme of things, it's a speeding ticket, not a death sentence. Relax. Calm down. Your parents are not going to kill you. They'll probably be happy you didn't wreck the car. I know we're all into showing our emotions to everyone we come into contact with (thank you very much Oprah!), but this is one time where the person on the other side of your tantrum truly does not care about your emotions. This is not personal, they don't hate you, they just want you to own up to what you did and take it like an adult who is old enough to drive.
Finally, if you want to crumple your ticket up and throw it on the floor, that's your perogative. Once the ticket is written, they can't take it back and make it larger, so your display of anger and stupidity (It's your car you're messing up, not his), has no bearing on the cop's attitude. They do not care. In the least. They will go home with smiles on their faces. You're the one who's going to have to pick that piece of paper up and smooth it out and place the money inside an envelope, not them.
Okay. So we've wrapped up the quota of four tickets for the night and taken care of the paper work. That's when the fun started......
To be continued1
Dun-dun-dunnnnnn!!!
I am reading: Everything's Eventual by Stephen King. I bought it for my mom for her birthday, but I'm reading it before I give it to her. I'm eeeevil.
I am eating: Nothing. But soon I will go home and eat some refried beans and rice. Mmmmmm....
I am listening to: my new mix that I will soon send to Janner Boy who lives on Ramsgate Avenue in Australia down on Bondi Beach.
