So what do I do now that I'm all better? I go back to dissecting the minutia of everyday life of course.
There's something vexing me. It's a commercial on the tee vee. It vexes me terribly. I confess it: I am terribly vexed. Those Maple Leaf Prime Chicken ads. This is something that astute posters in the "Commercials: The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly" thread at Fametracker will remember since I've been begging somebody to let me in on the gag for two or three days straight now and I'm sure they're all getting tired of it (though how you could tire of my grumpy ramblings is beyond me.) So here, for the last time, in great detail, is the thing that vexes me:
The ad in question is a Canadian commercial for Maple Leaf Prime Chicken, which I have enjoyed on numerous occasions. The set up is Brock Furlong, a nice, normal looking dude who claims to be the president of the company. He's sitting at his desk in an office where he makes the claim that Maple Leaf chicken is plumper and juicier than all the other chicken on the market because they feed the chickens only Nutrience, which has no animal by-products. Or something. The camera zooms out to show that he's sitting there with what I assume is a big bowl of Nutrience. He takes a big spoonful of it, puts it in his mouth and chews heartily.
The stuff in question looks like a big bowl of GrapeNuts, and if it tastes anything like them, then I really don't blame the chickens for doing what they appear to do next. See, there are two chickens watching Mr. Brock Furlong.
One chicken has a video camera and is taping him. The other has a bowl of Nutrience and is prompting Brock by lifting spoonfuls of nutrience to its mouth (beak?). And Brock just keeps spoonin' the Nutrience into his gaping maw. Even though, going by the expressions he's making, it pains him to do so. And then the chickens titter, like "How funny is this guy? Can you believe he's eating what Chicken's eat? Dude! We so run this show!" I mean, I'm not fluent in Hen, but that's what I assume they're saying.
So what's my problem with the ad? I'm so glad you asked! I just can't figure out the point of it. Are they trying to tell me that the Nutrience is so good and so safe that even the president of the company eats it? Okay, but that's underscored by the fact that the chickens look like they're holding poor Brock hostage and forcing him to eat it! So how good can it be, really? And the chicken prompting Mr. Furlong never eats it, only brings the spoon to his beak in the way that suggests a naive parent who wants her baby to eat pure�d carrots. So that's not really a ringing endorsement for the product then. Maybe the point is that Nutrience gives the chickens super powers. And opposable thumbs, since they'd need them to, y'know, hold a spoon, not to mention operate a digital video camera, which I couldn't manage with all ten of my digits in full homo-sapiotic use. Or maybe the chickens are fattening Brock up to eat him! And videotaping it for sadistic poultry pleasures heretofore unknown to the world of man. But how could even the most coke-addled advertising executive ever think that would sell chicken? Or perhaps the chickens are making some statement, like, "Y'all have been eating us for far too long, and it's every Goddamn bird for himself now! We've captured your leader, and we're forcing him to eat this shit!" Guh. I don't know. There are too many possibilities, each more frightening than the last.
Anybody who can tell me the point of this madness, or at least point me in the right direction (Yes, I've Googled the hell out of it, okay? Brock Furlong is a real person) gets my undying appreciation, adulation and admiration. You tell me what the fuck these birds are up to and I'll admire your socks off, baby.
It's really mother-fucking cold in Saskatchewan right now. As in, "we're settin' records" cold. I know in the past, people from as far south as New York have said "Damn, it's cold here!" And I really am not setting out to try and one-up you or anything, but Jesus Christ on a popsicle stick! Could we please can the -48 degree weather? Yesterday, Regina Beach was the coldest place in the world. The WORLD, y'all! That's only about half an hour away from me! It's times like these I'm happy to be a shut-in. And with that in mind, could somebody please brave the elements and bring me some damn soup?
I'm reading: The Corrections. So far, so bland. Things better pick up soon. I just got finished reading The Anatomy of Motive by John Douglas and it's really good. Anybody interested in learning how the mind of an FBI profiler works would do well to read it.
I'm avoiding: My Big Fat Greek Life like the plague. I don't have the words right now to express how little I care about that chick and her dumb movie. Yes, I lived in Manitoba when it came out. Yes, I know she's from Winnipeg. Yes, Cinderella story of the year. Mmm-hmm. I'm evil and horrible and going to hell because I refuse to watch the movie or see the tv show. Canadians everywhere are weeping, movie theatres across the country are closing shop, and somewhere, Nia Vardalos makes a notation in her appointment calendar to have me maimed.
In other news: Ohmigod! Slippin-Mickey's! Go girl! You strike a blow for us single, unemployed, X-Files watching, cheese-eating gals who haven't showered for three days straight!
No, I kid: It was only two days without a shower for me. And that was enough. I cannot stress the importance of soap enough. Specifically, Red Rooster soap.
I was also reading: About how some play based on Anne Heche's autobiography "Call Me Crazy" was garnering praise and press coverage, and how Heche Herself went to see it and said it was sick and walked out, and it turns out, that was Pamie's play! Awesome! I don't know her personally or anything, but I was an avid reader of Squishy and her current site. That's pretty cool, huh?
I think that: Yoga rules! Also, yoga and bad, black cats don't mix. How many times do you think you have to say �Piss off!� to a cat before they start to understand you? I tried reasoning with him, but he apparently didn�t get the memo about how yoga is supposed to reduce stress, not cause it.
You should head over to: The First Evil's Live Journal. Which is no longer being updated, but is still funnier than hell. Literally.
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