Hot damn! I'm hungry and there are so many treats and goodies and sugarplums and what-all that the small amount of weight I've been able to lose in the last year will be immediately packed right back on, right around my tummy. And I'll get really, really, really fat and when I take the bus to work, little kids will point at me and their mothers will take them by the hand and harshly say that it's not nice to point, but they'll give me a disgusted look all the same, like "Bitch, youfat!" I won't be able to see this of course, because my eyelids will be too heavy to open.
Of course I kid. I'm actually like a kid right now. A little one. With big eyes and crooked front teeth and a lisp. "Can we open pwesents!? Can we? Huh? Huh?" Except we've already opened them and don't think I don't appreciate the C-Note Santa dropped down my stocking. I know Christmas is all about the love and the niceness and the togetherness and all that. And let me tell you, this year? It would have been perfectly all right with me to forgo the gift thing entirely. No, really. It was enough just to come home and celebrate and (here's the part where I get sentimental, so prepare to wipe away big, fat, tears) the hug I got from my mom when I got off the bus did me better than all the other gifts I got combined.
So my family is in the dining room playing cards and eating bits and bites. I hate cards. I suck at cards. The only card game I can play is Rumoli. And I hate it. My entire family is good at cards, loves cards. My mom and dad played a game of bridge ten years ago and sometimes, they�ll be sitting around, doing absolutely nothing, and he�ll just explode "I can�t believe you had the king of hearts and you didn�t play it!" Ten years ago, people! A card game that was ten years ago! So I don�t go in much for cards.
Okay. I had to post-pone this entry because it�s my job to set the table with the good china and the wedding cutlery that only gets used for Christmas and Easter. And my mom always reminds us that it can�t go into the microwave because it has a silver rim. (Like I�d use her good china to heat up a plate the next day! And also, memo to mom: I know that!) And then I had to eat. And then I had to have tea and cookies. And then I had to have a loooong nap. And then I had to watch the rest of "The Ref" with my parents. And then I had to watch an old episode of Conan O�Brian. And then I had to stare happily at the Christmas tree with a glass of wine in my hand. Which was quickly replaced by nog. And then quickly replaced by Bailey�s on the rocks. Man. The holiday�s are rough on a girl, ya know?
Really. I was prepared for this to be a rough Christmas. Grams is almost done her first round of chemo and tensions are...tense. She�s lost most of her hair. I was really unprepared for that. It tugs at you, you know? When you see somebody whom you love, who�s always had steely hair --like a brillo pad-- that seems to say "I�m okay! Don�t worry about me! I shampoo with dish soap, my hair is so hard!" It�s hard to see them almost bald. When we went to her house for breakfast this morning (a 29-year-old tradition, and she still has the same pancake griddle as the first time, a fact she likes to advertise to all who will listen), she gave me a biiiig hug. And she still feels strong, so that�s good. She made herself a turban. It would look elegant, except I�m pretty sure she made it out of an old shirt. And you know how Grandma shirts are. All loose and flowy. And they usually have horrible patterns of ugly, garishly coloured flowers on them. And big froofy collars. And they�re made out of rayon. But anyway. It looked weird. And then she modelled her wigs for us. She has two. One is brown and curly. It makes her look like...one of the members of Monty Python in drag. She did a little dance while she was wearing it. Kicked up her leg and swished her skirt like a rockette. The other is short and blonde and straight and she actually looks really cute in it. Like Carol Brady! With granny glasses. When we go shopping with the crazy, psychotic people at Wal-Mart tomorrow, I�m going to buy her a nice scarf that she can tie around her head. I�ll give her some instructions on how to tie it. She�s met some nice women in her survivor�s group who I�m sure will be only too happy to help her.
It was a weird Christmas all around. I miss my dog too. Usually, when we go over to my grandparents every Christmas morning, he would pile in the car with us, bringing his plate made out of rawhide. And he�d get an egg and some pancake all cut up in it. My mom said when she was hanging the stockings, she had to think about where his went. Then she realized that we had it cremated with him. It was a really ugly stocking. It was orange, not red. And it had a snowman on it. And my brother wrote in black magic marker "Santa: Please put a biscuit in for Prints. The Dog." Well, whaddaya want? He was in Grade 3. It feels sad to celebrate without him. He would get so excited.
I will never forget last year when I was laid off from my job. I was so lonely for him. Knowing that he had already died and wouldn�t be at home to comfort me. I felt aching and empty. I feel little that way now. Because I know that this year could be the last year Grams is around. So I wanted it to be nice. I�m going to go grab her tomorrow and put her wig on and take her out for coffee. I love her so much.
Anyway, that�s the extent of this entry. That I�m healthy, happy, not at all looking forward to the 12 hour bus ride home. Just your basic: "Dear Diary: Today I found Johnny Depp under the tree in pirate garb (okay, so only in DVD format. So?) And many happy hours of Giles as magic store owner in my stocking and when Santa gives out C-notes, well, you can�t go wrong."
Merry Christmas to all.
(I can forgo the �and to all a good night/God bless us every one!� crap? Can�t I? I mean, ya gotta
leave somethin� for Tiny Tim. Am I right? Yeah. I thought so.)
Tube: Yule Log. Ahhh, good ol' yuley!
Tunes: God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen by Sarah McLauchlan and The Bare Naked Ladies.
Text: The David Suzuki Reader. God. He's so smart. He's one of my favourite dudes ever. Y'all should check him out. Brilliant, brilliant man.
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