Can't we all just snark one another?

This computer can bite me! In fact, all computers can bite me! The expensive ones I want and can't afford, the really cheap free ones that don't work. And most especially the ones at work. They suck. I have the majority of heavy layout and editing work to do and I have the shittiest computer. It's not fair.

I'm complaining about it since I've decided to give up trying to update there because I never have the time and who can guarantee the privacy? And also, why should I give those jerks the pleasure of reading my shit and possibly firing me because of it? If they want to find me, they can Google me. Or they can Google "sex with my mom on mushrooms" and it'll probably show up too. And they'd do it, the sick fucks.

So I'm now updating at the public library and I have about 15 minutes to do so. And of course, I've already used up most of my 15 minutes browsing fametracker and can I just say, what is up with the haterade over there? Bitches in the forums be crazy! There are plenty of celebs who deserve my debaucherous ire, plenty of ugly, fugtastic celebrity mugs out there who need me to post in their thread to point out their wonky eyes, general sloppiness and pumpkin coloured tans so that we don't need to hate on celebrities who are legitimately gorgeous, like Catherine Zeta-Jones, unbelievable talented, like Scarlett Johanssen or just plain ol' hawwwwttt...like Matt Damon. (Call me, Matt!)

Not that you guys care. I mean, they're only celebrities. I'm sure I'm the last one who you'd think would be defending them cause I'm usually so bitchy about hollywood in general and that's why I spend such an abnormal amount of time at FT.

But, my fabulous brothers and sisters in snark, the thing is, snark is not "She has big/small nipples and therefore, I hate her." or "OMG! You owe me a new keyboard! Kate Bosworth/Lindsey Lohan/Mischa Barton is like, soooo ugly/fat/fake/scary thin/ugly!!!1!" Snark is a finely tuned thing that requires some THOUGHT before posting about you know, how much you hate Angelina Jolie or whoever. Like, that's great. But I don't really care. If you could tell me WHY you hate her and be funny while doing it, I might even deign to listen and respond.

I think I'm done now. The librarian is coming!

Tunes: Hawksley Workman's Lover/Fighter. Poetry. Tube: Clueless on DVD. It holds up surprisingly well. Text: Kurt Vonnegut's Slaughterhouse Five. Sites: Go fug yourself!

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